Monday, April 16, 2012

Title Suggestions, Anyone?

It was the night of Saturday the 14th. Yeah I know Friday the 13th is supposed to be the big deal and all, but I’m coming up with this new thing where Saturday the 14th will be the real thing.

So it was the 14th and not having any definite plans for the night, I called up my friend S. We used to be roomies once upon a time (read a little over 4 years ago). Then he had moved out, had lived abroad for a couple of years, had come back, got married. But somehow we had never met. We had planned to catch up on New Year’s Eve, but even that plan fell through.

I called him up and we decided to go to this upscale watering hole, but before that we planned to meet up at this low-scale place. Let me explain. Like every financially challenged Bangalorean who likes to go to swanky pubs, we too followed a plan whenever we wanted to get hammered. We would first go to a economically friendly place (read a cheap bar), down a few drinks, and then head off to the happening place, where we would be more than glad to settle with just a couple of drinks and a few eats.

We met around 8pm and after gulping 5 neat whiskeys, S said, “Let’s head to the other place. My wife will meet us there at 9.”
Me: “Errr...what?”
S: “At 9.”
Me: “You invited your wife?”
S: “Yes. Is it a problem?”
Me: “Of course it is! I’ve downed 3 drinks...”
S: “It’s 4 actually.”
Me: “Yeah exactly! I’ve downed 3 drinks and I can’t meet her now!”
S: “It’s ok buddy, she isn’t gonna judge you. I’ve myself had 4 drinks...”
Me: “It’s 5 actually.”
S: “Yeah exactly! I’ve had 4 drinks, and if I don’t have a problem meeting my wife after that, I don’t see any reason why you should.”

I grudgingly agreed. We reached there, and around 20 minutes later walked in Mrs.S. Now normally as a rule, I don’t letch at my friends’ girls. But this...I mean that...I mean she...was something different. It was very tough to not notice how ravishing she was. And then there was the added pressure of having a decent conversation with her, without being too apparent with the staring. But somehow I got through that (by focussing on the other pretty young things in the place of course).

As time passed, I realized she was not just about the looks, she was pretty cool too. She was getting my jokes and cracking up some good ones herself too. After a while, I excused myself and went to the loo, where I tried to convince myself that she was off limits by coming up with 10 reasons. I got only 5. They are:
1.    S will kill me.
2.    S will kill me.
3.    S will kill me.
4.    S will kill me.
5.    S will kill me.

That not having helped much, I stepped out of the loo and headed back to our booth. When I got there, I saw Mrs.S sitting there with a confused and nervous look on her face and S was nowhere to be seen.

“What happened? Where’s S?” I asked, and turned around to see where she was staring. S was involved in a scuffle with two guys. I immediately rushed over, and pulled them apart, and got one blow on my shoulder as part of the deal. One of the two was wearing a tee that shouted “PERFECTIONIST”.

“Meet me outside if you have the balls!” yelled the Perfectionist as he headed out with his friend.

Not knowing what was happening, I turned and looked at S, and realized he was already on his way out. Drunken brawl Rule 1: “When your friend gets into a fight, you get into it too”.

So off I followed after S. The three had already started exchanging blows. I pulled away the Perfectionist and punched him across the face.

Drunken brawl Rule 2: “You never hit a guy in the nuts, not unless you are outnumbered.”

I was prepared for a right handed-punch, but unfortunately he was a left-hander and I got one on my right cheek. Before I could reel from the after-effect of the punch, I got a low-power kick on my right thigh. I was finding it funny that this guy who looked pretty huge and all couldn’t come up with a decent kick. Before I could chuckle at the thought, I got a pretty strong kick on the right side of my stomach. Trust me; a left-hander kinda upsets the rhythm of the fight.

Finally I managed to take a swing back. I aimed for his nose, and hit bullseye. He went off balance clutching his nose, and sat down on the sidewalk. With one of them out of the equation, I headed off to S’s aid and pushed the non-perfectionist away from S. He was stunned and turned to see that his ally was already down. Realizing he was out-numbered, he immediately put up his hands saying, “Ok ok I give up”.

I was confused. Do we continue fighting, or is it over? I looked at S, who was still spewing anger. I put my hand across his shoulders and guided him back into the pub.

Drunken brawl Rule 3: “The winners always go back into the bar, the losers to the hospital, or home, or to their Mommas”.

We went back in and Mrs.S was relieved to see us with minimal injury. S had a bleeding lip and I had no outward sign of having been in a fight. S told her what happened. She hugged him and my “And I get nothing?” was met with a customary chuckle by all.

S went off to the loo to wash up. I ordered a repeat of my drink, and that’s when Mrs.S said, “Thanks”.

I looked at her and smiled. She leaned over and hugged me, and the 5 reasons that I had listed earlier on why she’s off limits went off like a fire alarm in my head!

PS: Did anyone notice that I never mentioned the reason for the fight? ;)


Anonymous said...

I am glad u listened! was it the rhyme?:D

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

Haha adipoli..! And I understood the reason for the fight ! I think you should also remind yourself that reason more often LOL !

Vyadhi said...

The reason is quite guessable i think! :P funny one! :D

Chitz said...

wow dodo thats supa@!!!!!.... u have proved u r a vaynoki :P

Enchanta said...

Since I recently wrote a post on a brawl of this sort (which you can find by clicking here), what other reason can it possibly be?!

Btw, you mentioned you were married. And you quoted five reasons as to why you shouldn't make a move.

List the other five as:
1.Wife would kill me too.
2.Wife would kill me too.
3.Wife would kill me too.
4.Wife would kill me too.
5.Wife would kill me too.

....Unless she herself is as ravishing and cool; enough to be eyed by her man's friends ;)

sawan said...

bad bad bouy!! eyeing on frnz's wife? :P :D

veyse, is ter a part -2 at desk?

IceMaiden said...

Eyeing your friend's wife? Erm.. Control your hormones boy! I disapprove! Not gentlemanly behavior at all.. :)

Crimson Feet said...

call that - "A bar fight for a taken girl"


"No one's really taken forever"


moonlite:D said...

does the gentleman in you go missing, when you are drunk?

bad bad boyyy :D

btw, didn't get reason for the fight! :(

Sangitha said...

U didnt mention the reason for the fight because this is all fiction.. hai na hai na? :P anyways loved the description of the fight..even though you supposedly won in the end.. :D

blunt edges said...

@ Anonymous (You-who-shall-not-be-named)
Maybe it was the rhyme! Does that mean I get more of them? :D

@ Anita
Well I guess the reason was pretty obvious ha? ;)
And yup the reason does keep playing in my mind in repeat mode :D

@ Vyadhi
Am sure what you have guessed is true. Thank you! :)

@ Chitz
Thank you ji! :P

@ Enchanta
Ok now what gave you the idea that I'm hitched? I'm not!! :O
Heading over to your post as soon as I publish this :)

@ Sawan
Jo bad nahi, woh Blunt Edges nahi ;)
And no part 2 :)

@ Annie
It's a fun post Annie. I obviously exaggerated the letching part thinking it would make it funny. Anyways back-fired.

@ Crimson Feet
Finally a title suggestion!! :D
Thanks a lot buddy. I think I like the second one more :)

@ moonlite
And I was thinking I did what a gentleman should do: stand by his friend in a fight!
Will tell you the reason over chat :)

@ Sangitha
Yeah yank my leg away! Yehi kar tu! :P

BrAiN FrEEzE said...

Good one.. Though it says that you got punched ... :(

And Blunt I must say you must not look at a fren's girl ... na na ... very bad !!! :P

Nikita Banerjee Bhagat said...

Sigh...has your pal read this post yet?

Shalet Jimmy said...

There is nothing wrong in being captivated by real charm....Reason for the brawl is obvious. I will keep stalking your blog, blunt edges.By the way I like your name ' blunt edges'.

NIM said...

hey Blunt... Welcome back! :)
So your in a pretty screwed up situation i see :)
Off limits and all... Too bad.
At least you won the fight.. :P
And i did notice that you didn't mention why the fight started..!

Anonymous said...

Sahi post jaanu..reason for brawl i can guess..kissine tere dost ki wife ko cheda hoga, hai na? :P :P

Shanu :)

bondgal_rulz said...

Lovely post. Loved the brawl description!

blunt edges said...

@ BrAiN FrEEzE
Well these things happen *acts all macho* ;)

@ Nikita
Na, he hasn't. I hope he doesn't :)

@ Shalet
Finally someone who doesn't think am a pig! Thanks a lot lady :)
And am glad you like my name, and you can stalk me all you want :D

Thanks for the welcome Nim :)
And trust me, winning a fight is a huge ego boost, kinda pushed all the other "issues" onto the backseat :)
Not at all surprised that you noticed I skipped the reason for the brawl. After all, you are the intelligent one ;)

@ Shanu
Why are you posting as anon?
And the reason was obvious na :)
Thanks for the comment :)

@ bondgal_rulz
Thanks a lot lady! And welcome to these shores :)

Rain Girl said...

Hahahahaha :P :P it is fiction I hope? :P Loved reading this. Finally an update!

Hmm title? How about "Off limits?" or "Why my best friend killed me" ';)

Akanksha Pandey said...

Lol! Good one! :D

Sourav said...

Tell me there is Part-II for this, where that hot girl (err friend's wife) falls for the strong armed Mel Gibson and they end up having 'breakfast' together the next morning?! ;)

bliss said...

OMG! worth the wait of so many months, i must say. awesome post. i loved your bar brawl rules :D
and as per eyeing friend's wife, i think you should be applauded for toeing the line :P
but i didnt get the reason for fight :( SPOILER ALERT!

blunt edges said...

@ Rain Girl
Is it fiction? Your guess is as good as mine ;)
And I think 'Off Limits' is cool! :D

@ Akanksha Pandey
Thank you :)

@ Sourav
Hahaha...aapke muh me ghee-shakkar, or should I say Rum and Coke ;)

@ bliss
And damn I didn't even realize anyone was waiting, else would have posted long ago ;)
Thanks a lot for noticing the bar brawl rules, that was my favourite part of the write-up :)
And I was thinking the reason for the fight would be pretty obvious! The Perfectionist tried groping the friend's wife. There you go!

Shanu said...

Aare yaar, login karne ko bore hoving isiliye wrote as anon..but me signed my name na so that u know ki it was me :D

Cave Man said...

Thats some funny shyt.

White Clay said...

i seem to enjoy the subtle humour in your blogs and no, its not a biggie to admire people, especially when your cockeyed. good one!

Reflections said...

Hahahaaaa....sooooper post!!!!

I'm assuming u were exaggerating ofcourse;-D

Exaggerating what???

Why everything;-D!!!!!

p.s: liked the bar rules...seriously all eye-openers, everyone of them;-o

Pooja Mishra said...

Hey Blunt!! Bumped by chance....but nice post!!!

blunt edges said...

@ Shanu
Lazy bum! :P

@ Cave Man
Thank you :)

@ White Clay
Gracias amigo! :)

@ Reflections
Now isn't it great to hear from you! :D
Thanks a lot for the emphatic "sooooper post" :D
And let's not discuss the exaggerating bit ;)

@ Pooja
Am glad you landed here and liked what you read :)

Grayquill said...

Hmmm....are you sure you were not the one who got popped in the nose?
Keep you hands to yourself, both romantically and the brawl rooom.

Nikita Banerjee Bhagat said...

Update karo?

commited to life said...

i have an idea...

give mrs S a reason to stare u...

this way u will gt the girl without loosing the gentleman in u :P

Prachi said...

OSM post :)

S said...

Where art thou? :)

Not like I am around..haha :P But..

DI said...

Oh my God SO funny. Not only this post, but pretty much the whole tiny little archive you have here. Awesome for a Wednesday afternoon read at work ;)

Btw, it's a year since the last post, but Google Reader still recommends you :) Perhaps reason enough to return?

Red Handed said...

Maybe even you guys dont know the reason of the fight. I have never known the reasons nor have the guys in my group known the reason everytime a drunken brawl happens at a party or just anywhere!
and atleast the firealarm ran in your head... hahaha
btw 14th September is a huge is my birthday :D

S said...

O you blunt!
Where are yooo?

blunt edges said...

Sorry for the super-late replies. I kinda forgot that I had a blog! :|

@ Grayquill
Well I'm not a 100% sure, but more or less certain :)

@ Nikita
Out of ideas :|

@ commited to life
Hahaha! Only if it was that easy! :)

@ Prachi
Thanks a lot :D
Surprised to see you here :)

@ S
Dead. Almost. ;)
Hope you're doing better :)

@ DI
Thanks a lot for the nice words :)
And Google Reader is kind ;)

@ Red Handed
Well eventually we always figure out the reason :)
A very very belated birthday wish to you :)

@ S again
Isn't that mighty sweet of you to check in on me again? :D