Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tring Tring!

Dis is a telephonic conversation I had wid my mom sometime late last year wen my big bro (BigB) had come down 2 India

Me: heyllloo!
Mom: hello…who’s dat? (yeah she does it every time we talk…even wen she calls!)
Me: its ur son
Mom: sigh…no one new calls me
Me: yeah…I hv given ur number 2 james bond…he’s busy dis week…told me he’ll call u next week
Mom: very phunny
Me: he he
Mom: so wats new?
Me: na…nothing…returnin home from work…I hope I get a project in electronic city soon…d food here sucks
Mom: I asked “wats new?” din ask u 2 repeat d same thing dat I hv been hearin from d day u got a project in madiwala…don’t u IT ppl get d meanin of “wats new?”
Me: ahem…now who’s tryin 2 be phunny
Mom: teri maa!
Me: he he….dats more like it…so wats hapng at home? Wats BigB upto?
Mom: he has gone out wid frenz…ha btw something new did happen today!
Me: wat?
Mom: I got a call in d mrng
Me: james bond?
Me: lol
Mom: it was someone from my hometown
Me: who?
Mom: it’s a family dat we knw…though I dunno dis guy personally
Me: ok…so wat was it abt?
Mom: he took half an hr 2 give an intro abt himself…n reflected sadly on how our families hv lost touch
Me: tch tch
Mom (ignorin my false sarcasm completely): he was telling me how someone told him dat BigB was in d UK
Me: he called 2 say dat???
Me: ok ok…carry on
Mom: so he said dat he knows abt BigB n he has a daughter
Me: hohoho
Mom: wat r u? santa?
Me: na…a project engineer…lol
Mom: yeah d one who rarely has a project…rite?
Me: grrrr!!!
Mom: lol…n u thot only u can be smart ha? Whr do u think u get ur funny genes from?
Me: from outer space! So u were sayin?
Mom: he he…yup his daughter is a software engineer in blore…n before I cud say anything, he went on abt how much dowry dey wud give n abt d flat dey wud book in BigB’s name
Me: whoaaaaaa…now we talking!!!
Mom: I tried interruptin him but dat guy just kept on talking…so I just kept quiet till he was done
Me: so how much moolah do we get? ***snigger***
Mom: ha ha ha…anyways wen he was done, I told him dat BigB isn’t exactly planning 2 marry now…n he asked BigB’s age n apparently his daughter is elder
Me: sigh…n 2 think all dat money wil find its way into some other family
Mom: wait…it doesn’t get over dere!
Me: den?
Mom: den he asked me “u hv one more son rite?”
Me: whoa whoa whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mom: he asked me wat u r doin? N I told him whr u work n all
Me: m sure he must be impressed…buhahaha (my false pride-filled laugh)
Mom: yup a lot…he said he has one more daughter n she’ll finish her engineerin next yr
Me: arre wah…any chances of getting her snap???
Mom: NO!
Me: her number?
Mom: NO!
Me: her mail id?
Mom: NO!
Me: ok…r u gonna say anything other dan “no”?
Mom: NO!
Me: cool…wats her name? M sure u atleast asked dat…din u?
Mom: NO!
Me: I m so gonna be single all my life!!! ***dramatic sigh***
Mom: u found dat out now? Ha ha ha
Me: DATS IT…I’M HANGIN UP…got work!
Mom: wat work? I thot u were returnin from work?!?!?!
Me: gotta find myself a gal…obviously u aint gonna help…rite?
Mom: lol…best of luck bachha
Me: THANX! Well thinking of it…I sure do need a lot of luck 4 dat…hmmm ta ta
Mom: buh-bye


Mom (thinking): aaj kal ke bachhe!

Me (thinking): aaj kal ke moms!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Jhumbalaka Jhum

A couple of my readers (I like d sound of dat: “my readers” :D) read my prev post, A Police Story, n reminded me of another incident dat hapnd wen I was in coll…one dat changed d life of someone drastically…so eventhough these 2 readers (ahh…heaven) were lazy enuf 2 not comment on d post (yeah I aint eggjhactly d laziest person around ;)), I still wanna thank dem 4 givin me d idea 4 a post…

I, d bluntest of all edges, hereby thank M n P (in alphabetical order) 4 bringin d legend of jhumbalaka jhum (ok I shud hv shouted it out: D LEGEND OF JHUMBALAKA JHUM…dats more like it) 2 life ***drum rolls***

Cast: Me (duh! M d hero obviously), SG (aka Smart Guy), Idiot, Ro

I was in d final yr of my coll…we had moved into a house dat was literally just a stone throwaway frm d almighty institution (4 reasons dat r still alien 2 mankind coz we rarely attended coll)

D day in qsn was a typical weekday wen we had bunked coll n were just whilin away our time tryin 2 figure out who among us can surf thru all d channels of d tv d fastest (u shud try it out sometime…its productive n gives an insight into ur deeper dormant personality)

Suddenly, idiot, who was sent 2 d kitchen 2 get food, came out runnin n luked as if he had just seen a ghost

Idiot: ders a mouse in d kitchen!
SG: r u sure it’s a mouse? It cud be a rat
Ro: wats d difference?
SG: well ders gotta be something…otherwise why wud dey hv 2 names?
Me (who was busy swappin channels): YES…beat dis…I clocked 42secs!!! (lukin at idiot) whr’s d food?
Idiot: HOLY CRAP…m I livin wid a bunch of fools or wat? Ders a rat slash mouse (he meant rat/mouse) in d kitchen n it ran into d store room wen I walked in dere…its huge!!!
Me: ohhhh…so why din u get d food?
Idiot: %&#*&$@!&$# (god bless my relatives)

So all of us reluctantly went n checked out d scene of crime…d store room, which was perpetually closed, did hv a hole on its door…after our brief (very very brief) investigation, we concluded dat d next time d rat (or mouse or rodent or wateva) decides 2 visit, he’ll regret it…SG was abt 2 start a debate on whether it was a he or she…but Ro’s timely punch 2 his ribs saved us d trouble

Later in d evng, wen idiot wasn’t at home, Ro came to d hall whr we were sittin around a chess board (watchin tv of course) n said dat d rat has entered our premises again…ideally we wud hv put on our commando suits, topped it wid a bandana, painted black streaks on our faces n blown up d rat wid our bazookas…but due 2 an acute shortage of resources (namely d commando suits, bandanas, paint n bazookas), we decided on d more traditional slam-bang approach

I volunteered 2 go 2 d back door n close it so dat d rat doesn’t run off 2 d store room…n SG n Ro were supposed 2 pick up something 2 hit it wid n tiptoe in frm d front door of d kitchen…I got a log on my way dere n got in n locked d door

SG n Ro came in together…SG had d cover of a tubelight in his hand…n Ro was holdin his biotech notes rolled up! Wid d kinda weapons of mass destruction dat these dudes were carryin, it was clear who had 2 strike

D rat was under d dinin table (yup d dinin table was in d kitchen smarty)…SG climbed on top of d table wid his deadly tubelight cover n offered 2 poke d rat out (yeah I knw he’s a pervert!)…Ro climbed on d platform n made a mic out of his paper roll n started givin live commentary of wat was hapng…I was standin wid d log raised n waitin 4 d target 2 come out

SG kept on poking it…n well after a certain point even a tubelight cover can be irriatatin…d rat dashed out…Ro yelled into his “mic” at wat degree d rat had run…I n SG exchanged glances n nodded: Ro is our next target

I saw d rat n boy was it huge…so more easy 2 hit…action time baby!!! :D

I got 3 hits out of 4…not bad 4 a 1st timer…d poor creature was lyin lifeless on d floor…we ensured its dead by poking it (SG again)…n wen we were sure its dead…we 3 gathered around it n started dancing n chantin:

I mentioned in d beginning dat dis incident changed someone’s life…dat someone (in case u hvnt guessed it by now) was d rat ;) (u chose d wrong house buddy)
So dats how dis urban legend began…n 2 dis day d elderly couple in d neighborin house hv no clue how a dead rat ended up on their terrace!!!