Friday, March 12, 2010

I Swear To Drunk I’m Not God!

I was checking out the super hot girl who had just entered the pub. She looked around, evidently searching for a known face, and on not finding anyone headed to the bar counter. She perched herself on the high stool and looked towards the entrance. 
“Probably waiting for someone,” I thought. “And maybe that someone is sitting here just staring at her unaware of the bigger scheme of things.” Sigh! 
A tap on my knee snapped me back to reality. I turned to Absolutely-Sloshed-Friend (ASF). A very disturbed look engulfed his face.
“What?” I asked him.
He whispered something. I couldn’t hear him over the loud music.
“What?” I leaned forward and asked him again.
Again he whispered something. I gave him an irritated look and leaned even more ahead and said:
“Can you be a little loud?”
“I WANNA PEE!” He yelled into my ear. I bounced back to where I was sitting when this whole conversation began.
Me: “What’s the matter with you?” 
ASF: “I said I wanna pee!”
Me: “I heard that loud and clear.” 
ASF: “So?”
Me: “So what?”
ASF: “So I wanna pee.”
Me: “You have my blessings. Go ahead.”
Sober-Friend (SF) who had been quietly watching this scene till now decided to step in. 
SF (to ASF): “I’m happy to see that you do take expert advice before venturing into such a delicate and important task.” 
ASF: “Ok people. If funny is what you want, funny is what you get!”
ASF leaned back on the couch and starred unzipping his jeans.
Me: “Whoaaaaaa! What you doing sicko?” 
ASF: “Well you just gave me your blessings, so I thought I might as well use them to pee.” 
Me: “Ok listen. Lesson number 935. When you feel like peeing, close your eyes for a moment, think of all the good times you have had in your life, re-live them again in that one moment, then GET UP AND GO TO THE GOD DAMN LOO!” 
ASF: “Eh?” 
SF: “You didn’t understand what he said?” 
ASF: “No” 
SF: “Fine. Lesson number 936. If you don’t understand lesson number 935, punch yourself in the nuts and read lesson number 935 again.”
High-fives were exchanged between me and SF while ASF just stared at us blindly. 
ASF: “I wanna pee.” 
Me: “We have heard that. Tell us something new.” 
ASF: “I don’t think I can walk by myself to the loo. I’m feeling a bit high.” 
Me (sarcastically): “A bit?” 
ASF: ***cold stare*** 
SF: “Oh. Couldn’t you have spared us this torture by telling this right at the start?” 
ASF: “I’ll try the next time.” 
Me: “Next time? What are you? An oil well?” 
ASF: “Nope. A water tank. You got any problem?” 
Me: “None, as long as it’s your tap.”
High-fives were again exchanged between SF and me. We got up from the comforts of our couch and pulled ASF up. I held his arm firmly and walked him to the restroom. SF walked a step behind us. We entered the restroom. There were 4 booths there. I and SF propelled ASF on to the fourth one. 
SF: “Go on.”  
ASF: “Not while you guys are watching!”
Me: “Just to set the record straight, we aren’t watching.”
SF: “Ok. We will move behind.”
SF moved a step backward all the while keeping a hand over ASF’s shoulder.
ASF: “Leave me!”
SF: “You are swaggering dude.”
ASF: “Whatever. But I can’t do it when someone’s holding me.”
Me: “Yeah but you sure can do it sitting on the couch right in front of a crowd!”
ASF turned around and put out both his hands.
ASF: “See. I’m still. I can do this. Now you guys just turn around and stop looking after me like I’m a little kid.”
Me: “Cool.”
Both of us moved on to the other side. I told SF about the chick at the counter and we decided to toss a coin to see who will be her knight in denims if she is still alone there when we get back.
Suddenly we heard water flowing. We turned and what we saw left us speechless. ASF was standing next to the fourth booth and peeing right where a fifth booth would have been! Unfortunately, there wasn’t a fifth one.
Before we could process what was happening, the door opened and two huge bouncer-type guys (BTGs) came in.
BTG2 (looking at us): “IS THERE ANYONE WITH HIM?”
I and SF looked at each other, and then at the BTGs, then at their biceps, and then finally at each other again. Both of us knew exactly what the other was thinking.
We looked back at the BTGs, shrugged and left the restroom.


The Survivor said...

Poor Chap!!

So which of you finally approached the girl?

Madhu said...

LOL..that was great.Butyeah why did the girl ever featurein ur post.She does not have a role to play!Or should i be reading between the lines??

Its good enough that he peed at a place that was bearable.What if he did that in the someone's face?? would have been worse no :P:D

Finally what did those macho men do?? Who got the blue/black eye?? :P:D

Chandrika Shubham said...


Riddhiculuos said...

:D nice.. sounded like one of the angrezi serial episodes. esp. how i met your mother. I don't know if u have seen it. In case u have, the rule book reminded me of Barney and his Bro codes and rule books. Liked the post a lotttt.. The sarcasm, humour. wah bang on target. Blunty is back with his funny bone.

hehe and about the title. reminded me of another incident. (riddy manohar kahaniya ch. no.935) we were in Dharmashala- the hill station not the guest house. :)
and in the hotel one guy who was taking us around got really high. When we entered the lobby we found him interacting with a friend. WE gave her the looks "he is drunk" and she should leave him alone. But girls are weird. (oops women bill passed and all don't mistake me for lalu and the gang) the truth remains that we are super weird.
Anyhow after that we kept giving her the looks. The guy went on saying he is not drunk, he is not drunk.

"Not drunk. I just had 4 beers of bottle"

and wah our poor innocent girl believed it to be the truth. (bitch)

simply me said...

i swear to drunk i am not god...he he he u dhokebaaz friends :)

NIM said...

Loved the title... And poor drunk bloke! u guys left him drunk and alone...

What happened to the 'hot chick at the counter?'...curious.. :p

♫♪♥W!nK♥♪♫ said...

LOL!! Nice title + post
I'm back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YiPpPEeee

Harini said...


aise dost ho toh dushman ki kya zaroorat. Bechara.

PS- LOved the title and Homer Simpson :P.

V. Archana said...

uugghhhh! lol..

and wat abt the girl? whom was she looking at?

Grayquill said...

Homer sure does get around. I have never understood the whole idea of music so loud two people can hardly talk - why not turn down the decibels a bit?
Great title - I got a good chuckle out of it.
I would feel sorry for the poor drunk guy but it was kind of his own fault. - in this story you didn't change the characters around did you? And you were actually the drunk guy? Hmmm... such a thought - Gasp! :o

BrAiN FrEEzE said...

hahahahhahaha..!!! n literally i was laughin in office **dirty stares** at me..!! Who cares!!
Awesome story telling..!! loved the part in the end whr u describe the expressions n i imagined the scene..!!!
Bt seriously Mr. Edges wats with HC and hot girl figurin in ur posts!?? lol.. neva mind...

Great going.. **high Five** exchanged here too!! :D

COMMUNI said...


moonlite:D said...

rofl, n ppl are sending me those stares,, anyway,,, just can't control my laughter though!! :D

did u toss the coin?
what hpnd to the chic?

n damn,, u left ur friend, who was AS'ed??? oops!!

Nipun said...

Awesome experience dude!!
I thought friends share everything..:P
U shud have convinced the BTGs to drink that holy water as u convinced ur friend to pee...:P
The girl, what about her?
Bless the guy..



rohini said...

i kn the situation must have made u very nice experience.....a Lesson for the Future...

Anita :) said...

Blunt Edges I am never gonna read your posts at office again!!! My TL has just confirmed that I am crazy!
I am laughing my head off looking at the monitor.

rohini said...

and hey i m following you,,,

S said...

the way you started, i thought it'd be something about the hot girl :) disappointing :P
did u approach her finally? ;)

COMMUNI said...

Bluntu've been tagged

Sjmach said...

LOL, y can't he just go quietly to the restroom and pee!

totallie meh said...

that was nice-i meant-no, not nice, definitely,i meant the post-a welcome change from tags and lists!!!

enjoyed it!

and dosth ho toh aise!

Shanu said...

Bluntu, I am so happy to know that you werent the sloshed one. :P

Awesome post...worth the wait :)

Fantasies of a Lifetime said...

Rofl. . .I bet he would have been singing in a very drunken voice -"Dost dost na rahaaa" . .nice title , btw!

Sangitha :) said...

hahahaha.. You have my blessings. Go ahead.. That one cracked me up!! :D One frnd sober.. other Asf but tu kya tha? sirf me? :P ;)
And girl ko tu kalifukat laya scene me.. U know u give out misleading images at first.. :P
Juz out of curiosity.. Most of ur posts have reference to the restroom.. Is it a way of showing where these humorous ideas strike u first.. :P

Choco said...

LOL! Awesome dude!

Thank you.
1) I haven't laughed this much the whole day. :D
2)It is good to know that you have graduated from fizzy drinks to stronger stuff. :p
3)First "Uncle" and now drinking and picking up gals at bars. Blunt Edges is growing up. Nice. ;)
4)Felt like one of those Star World comedy programmes that I adore but don't get to watch these days. :)

blunt edges said...

A lot of people seemed 2 have liked the title...just wanna make it clear it ain't an original line...its a t-shirt quote i saw somewhere (most probably on a t-shirt!) the next time u see it somewhere, don't think i copied it!

@ The Survivor
unfortunately neither of us...she was with cozing up with a guy when we came back :(

@ Madhu
arre its like our movies yaar...the heroine just has 2 come, look good n go ;)
on someones face? he sure would have been dead if that was the case! :)
no idea about the black u actually think i would ever go in front of ASF after abandoning him there? ;)

@ Chandrika

@ Riddhi
i have heard about how i met your mother a lot...but have just managed 2 catch up on a couple of episodes so dunno about the rule book :(
glad u liked it :D
hilarious riddy manohar kahaniya no.935 (strange number that :P)
"i just had 4 beers of bottle" lol...why a bitch? she seems the cute innocent kinds ;)
meri taraf se hi bolde usse :D (hope shanu isn't reading this!)

@ simply me
ab dosti ki hai toh dhokha toh dena hi padega na ;)

yup...we were more concerned about ourselves (the word u are searching for is 'selfish') ;)
her wait had ended before we came out. sigh!

@ Wink
thanks a lot...n yay u are back! :D

@ Harini
koi zarurat nahi...ek dost lo ek dushman muft free free :D

@ Archana
she was waiting 4 some jerk who got there when all this action was happening in the restroom (yeah all guys who get hot chicks are jerks 2 other guys!) :D

@ Grayquill
u kinda get used 2 the music by the time u are done with 2-3 sentences.
shhhhhh...u are making my readers doubt the authenticity of the nonsense they read here...we will discuss the details later ;)

@ Smriti
i love it when people say they actually laughed out loud n did not just type lol after reading something here :D
thanks a lot :) girls bring in the necessary spice (kinda helps in increasing the hits u see) ;)
***high-five*** :D

thanks 4 tagging...will jump over 2 check out the tag soon :D

blunt edges said...

@ moonlite
ahhh...again someone who laughed! thanks a lot 4 liking it :D
nope we didn't toss the coin...the chick got her c...err rooster by the time we got back! ;)
yup...we are mean friends :D

@ Nipun
thanks a lot buddy :D
that would have been a touch difficult coz they didn't look drunk ;)
well the girl got her guy...pity it wasn't one of us!

@ rohini
lesson? what lesson? the only thing i learnt was never take ASF to any good place ;)
thanks a lot 4 following :D (u are the lucky 75th one!) ;)

@ Anita
lol...feels great 2 know people make such great use of their office time ;)
thanks a lot 4 liking it...feels good especially coming from someone who herself is unbelievably funny! :)

@ S
that's just 2 get the readers interested...if i had talked about the dorky ASF first, no one would have read further...i learnt this valuable lesson after almost 2 years of blogging ;)
nope...she got away :(

@ Sjmach
he was swaying like a leaf in a breeze dude...he couldn't have walked 2 steps by himself :)

@ totallie meh
i remebered how u had said that u are fed up of the lists n tag-kinda stuff that had become common here...glad u enjoyed it :D

@ Shanu
if i was the sloshed one, i wouldn't put it up here yaar ;)
glad u liked it :D
aur kaunsa zyada wait karwaya? :o

@ Fantasies
lol...pity we weren't around 2 hear that! :D

@ Sangitha
its a cool na how different people like different parts of the same post...n its even more cool when people tell which line they liked :D
i'm the hero remember? i gotta look good here ;)
the girl was just 2 keep the readers' interest alive lest they don't find the post funny enough (yup i have it all covered) ;)
lol...u know that thing actually did cross my mind when i wrote this post (the repeated reference 2 the restroom)...maybe u are right...n as a blogger friend once said: "To achieve nirvana all u need is a clean restroom" :D

@ Choco
thanks a lot choco :D
1. u have posted the comment at u mean 2 say u haven't laughed a lot in the 6 minutes preceding that? :P
2. was there any reference of me drinking any "strong" stuff? (damn i had tried my best 2 stifle that!)
3. arre this an old incident...blunt edges ab bada ho gaya hai! :D
4. why can't u watch them now? still stuck with the star singer thing? :P

Choco said...

@Blunt Edges
1)Nice comeback. But your comment time setting is all skewed. I commented in the dead of the night..And reminisced about the day that lead to it..So thank you for that. :p
2)Yes my friend. Thou art subtle..But not everyone is observant..So no worries.
3)Chalo..Changa hai jee..Ab hum aage ke posts padne ke liye utsuk hain.
4)No baba.. Was never stuck with that. But good to see that you now knw the names of such TV Programs.

perplexed said...

Friends in need are friends indeed!! :P

Shanu said...

meri taraf se hi bolde usse :D (hope shanu isn't reading this!)

Dont get scared...i aint the possessive types..main tereko fulltoo aazadi deti hai..ladkiyon ko hi bolne ki :P

And u made me wait 25 days for this post aur bolta hai ki kaunsa zyada wait karvaya! tch tch tch!!

rohini said...

oh! Am i the 75th one......i m flying in air ...for this achievement......thnx ......:-)lol

sepo said...

twas awsome :)

Sid said...

ha ha good 1 dude... did u talk2 d chick?

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

aink? toh ladki kaa kya huva?

Riddhiculuos said...

@Blunt- hhaha :D manohar kahaniya 935.. ahem yeah a very funny number.. iske peechey bhi kahani hai.. ek ladke ki jawani hai... whatever kaun toh puri likhega..

haan toh woh ladki was a bitch coz she made this sorta thing a habit. she wud sit with guys and rejoice in being their secret keeper. just gave her a bit of gossip. becuase it is one of those phases when guys babble out details that they wish never existed. not like us who do it anyway :P

so, raat ke andhere mein she wud look for sloshed guys... :P (exaggerated acount hai.) but how does it matter :D

and Shanu: Bluntu ko mein galat haathon mein nahi dungi. I am glad you are the liberal ones who don't mind giving liberty and all... :P
very good. flexibility is the key to good relationships (this comes from a person who has never been into a relationship! shoot.)
Love gurumaa riddy 1008 law number. 935 :)

blunt edges said...

@ Choco
1. entirely my pleasure :D
2. n blunt edges breathes a sigh of relief! ;)
3. so that ensures me atleast one guaranteed reader, doesn't it?
4. yup i do! :D

@ perplexed
indeed ;)

@ Shanu
oh aren't u the best! :D
arre mere average ke hisaab se the post is right on time na!

@ rohini
lol :D

@ sepo
glad u liked it :D

@ Sid
thanks buddy :D
nope wasn't lucky enough :(

@ gayathri
'aink' is a cool reaction! :)
n ladki ka kuch nahi hua...she found the jerk she was waiting 4!

@ Riddhi
i still think she is innocent n cute...hi bola ya nahi? ab toh shanu ne bhi ok bol diya na!
i still haven't figured out what 1008 is gurumaa riddy but i ain't gonna ask coz i know again u'll give a huge lecture on everything other than the question! :P

Asif said...

The moment I saw the title and the picture, I knew that it is going to be something like this.
Enjoyed reading about lesson no 935 and 936. Great presentation. I loved it :).

Sumi said...

ha ha...u ruthless creatures!!

btw, my blog url has changed

CMRKN said...

ur next post came within less than a month.. Nice.. Nice.. :)
Evryone has said good abt it.. im no different.. (except for my name) ROFL..!! :D

sakhii•• said...

this one was fun!!
leson no.!!

iceprincess said...

i loved lesson number..936....wackaaaooo..
but i do feel bad for the pee"guy"....

Tomz said...

simply great narration..its like the script of some comedy films...

Beauty and the BEast said...

haw!! you left him there??!! Poor soul... tsk tsk tsk... :P

Remind me never to count on guy help in a bar with scattered with cute chicks... ;)

anishthomas said...

classic!!!!....i loved the lesson 936.......No wonder u guys cheated him :D :D....between what happen to the hot chick :).Did you guys bump into her finally :)

blunt edges said...

@ Asif
very happy u liked it dude :)
thanks 4 all the nice words :D

@ Sumi
well if it ain't runthless, it ain't us! ;)
will drop by your new blog residence soon :D

lol...your name sure is different!
thanks 4 liking it :)

@ sakhii
thanks a lot 4 liking it :D

@ iceprincess
a bit late madam :P
so do i, on hindsight ;)

@ Tomz
thanks a lot buddy :D

@ Beauty moral of the story that! ;)

@ anishthomas
welcome 2 blunt edges :D
thanks 4 liking it :)
nope dude...she was cozing up with a guy when we came out! :(

Reflections said...

I'll spare u the wht happened to the chick and just ask ....did ASF come out of the loo in 1 piece;-D

Anya said...

you make me ^___^

Its my favorite cartoon

Adam said...

fantastic... You're like the Chandler Bing of Blogger. U have a new follower! Blog on..

rain girl said...

hehe :P

this cud be so easily used as script for another episode of HIMYM :P

love it :D

Sriram said...

LOL Kickass post! (stumbled across to ur blog from silverine's links btw :D )

Sriram said...

Good to meet another 'calvin' btw :P

blunt edges said...

@ Reflections
i believe u read the previous comments n thus spared me the chick question ha? ;)
i have no idea whether ASF made it out or not...haven't quite built up the guts 2 call n find out :D

@ Anya
glad u liked it even though i didn't mention a cat in there ;)

@ Adam
that's like the best compliment ever...could i BE any happier? :D
thanks 4 following n welcome 2 blunt edges :D

@ rain girl
i'm ready 2 sell...if they are ready 2 buy! :D

@ Sriram
thanks a lot n welcome 2 blunt edges calvin :D

kanagu said...

LOL man.. this is a ROFL stuff :) :)

superb dialogues... nothing can beat real life ones... :) :)

Nona said...

he he

And the "ASF" is still talking to "Me" and "SF"? :)

The pale observer said...

Did he come out of the washroom unharmed?! Friends... :)

buckingfastard said...

ahh ditchin and abusing ur drunk frnd is sooo fun....

btw hav u ever got drunk enuf to pee in basin instead of loo....

if u havent...den u better not visit da pubs i regular :P

"but occifer dere is no blood in my alcohol"

Akshaya Kamalnath said...

LOL! survival of the smartest!

Gymnast said...

How rude to leave you poor friend like that !!

Thank goodness for my wondeful friends , for i have been the ASF many many many times !!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Question - Why should you never come late to a so very popular blog writer's post, that too when he is writing after a long gap -

Answer - You will not find a goddamn point to comment on. Everything would have already been discussed in comments already.. and you will be stuck with... LOL, hilarious, nice one, and all that crap :)

okay, so here we go - LOL!! you are too funny.. you are a genius bluntu.. :))

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wishes galore said...

lol..let me say it loud "A freind in need is a freind indeed":P
would love to hear the next part after you guys ran away;)SF nad you sure had a time!!
now u have an ultimate story to tease ur freind all his life..:D

Koo said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I just came across your blog, and that was one funny read ;D

Vanathi said...

LOL ... nice post+blog.

blunt edges said...

@ kanagu
thanks a lot dude :)
n i agree that real life dialogues are indeed the best :)

@ Nona
welcome 2 blunt edges :D
"Me" n "SF" haven't yet been brave enough 2 try get in touch with "ASF" ;)

@ Holli
i hope he did! ;)

@ buckingfastard
it sure is fun...n its more fun if we manage 2 beat him 2 pulp n tell him the next day that it was another group of guys who bashed him up n we actually saved him ;)
err...never peed in the basin!

@ Akshaya
welcome 2 blunt edges :D
being smart sure does pay ;)

@ Gymnast
we all have been the ASF at some point or the other...but then we kinda like ourselves more ;)
a warm welcome 2 blunt edges :D

@ Scattered Thoughts me i still love hearing those words! :D

@ Anon
eh? entirely my pleasure!

@ wishes galore
hahaha...that's what these incidents end up being...a story u recount when old friends meet! :D

@ Koo
welcome 2 blunt edges :D
thanks a lot...n cool...err...sorry kool name that! ;)

@ Vanathi
thanks a lot :)
n welcome 2 blunt edges :D

BIG Omi said...

My quetion was somewhat same.. what abt the chick at counter but i read ur reply to first comment.... :)

BTW reminds me of 31st December, 2008! I came back from loo and wasnt able to find my table.... apparently had call my friend to pick me up at the entrace..... God bless Friends and thir girlfriends.... cuz it turned out my friend too was ASF as me and ended up sending his gf to get me... :)

blunt edges said...

@ BIG Omi
that's happened quite a few times 2 me (the not being able 2 find my way back thing) :)

manoranjini said...

:D lols !

blunt edges said...

@ manoranjini

Shas said...

Ha ha....ur poor friend. I wonder what happened to him after u both left...

sakhii•• said...


blunt edges said...

@ Shas
even i have been wondering the same thing ever since ;)

@ sakhii
n finally someone missed me :D
just been too caught up with work n stuff...leave alone posting something, i haven't even been able 2 make up time 2 check out the new posts in all the blogs i follow! :(
will be back soon! :)

bliss said...

typical blunt edges post!!! loved it... kinda expected of you two guys to walk out on the drunk chap!! :P

btw, who got to be the knight in denims???

blunt edges said...

@ bliss
thanks 4 loving it :D
neither of us :(

anupama said...

Dear Blunt Edges,
Good Evening!
I just can't imagine how you will be reacting when you reach one of the pubs here!
But then,do you have to really drink to prove what you are not?
My apartment faces a bar!:)

blunt edges said...

@ anupama
good evening 2 u too :)
where is 'here'?
i don't think anyone drinks 2 prove anything apart from ASF who drank 2 prove he's a fool ;)
your place faces a bar? pity mine doesn't! ;)
thanks a lot n happy easter 2 u too :D

suruchi said...

Hey Blunt Edges...
Firstly with due respects to I tumbled down the page...I thought blunt edges would be a girl*don’t ask me sounded a bit girly...sorry:-(*

But one look at this hilarious post n I was awakened to the fact why I must have clicked on the “followers” tab on ur page*a kick myself that is for not being frequent here*

Thoroughly enjoyed the post...
Who would have thought one needed blessings to pee...or think of good old times before the act....or there were some 935 lessons in guys’ life...

LMAO on oil well probability...knight in denims*hmm...wise huh?*...and holy water...
Hehe...veryyyyy funnyyyyyyy:-)

♫♪♥W!nK♥♪♫ said...

Come on Gtalk na

blunt edges said...

@ suruchi
now THAT has never happend before! i thought blunt edges was a pretty macho name ;)
so u were actually following me even before reading me? :o
i myself ain't all that frequent with my most people never miss posts over here! glad u found all thos crazy lines funny :)
a warm welcome 2 blunt edges :D

Jingle said...

Happy May!
some friendship seeds.

Jingle said...

I love watching the Simpsons...
cool post!

blunt edges said...

@ Jingle
Thank u n happy may 2 u too :D

The Rain Crab said...

Tat was super cool!!! Loved the climax ;) he he

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Bunny said...

everything is mostly a screenplay?

blunt edges said...

@ The Rain Crab
honored :)
welcome 2 blunt edges :D

@ Paul

@ Bunny
is that a complaint, a compliment or just a passing comment? :)

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BrAiN FrEEzE said...

Whr are u??? Knock Knock!!!! We need some good posts to read... it almost feels like a blog drought :( :(

blunt edges said...

wonderful to see someone missing me :D

just outta ideas to write about yaar :)

Kanishk said...

Hilarious ! but i feel he needs better drinking buddies ! :P

blunt edges said...

@ Kanishk
I agree! :D
And it's always cool to see people read your old posts. Thanks buddy :)

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