I Hate It When...

1. People break queues in the office cafeteria. I would have given them a piece of my mind (and my arm) if it was outside.

2. I have to work overnight every alternate day and I come home at the most weird of times (read anytime between 2 to 6 am)

3. I’m expected to work on weekends also.

4. No matter how hard I work and how long I slog, there are atleast 2 other people in my team who work harder and slog longer.

5. I don’t get time to update my blog even though there are a couple of ideas in my mind.

6. I barely get time to read all the blog updates that pop up on my blog list.

7. I have to cancel movie plans with HC (Hot Crush) because of work.

8. She goes for the same movie with a guy friend and messages me saying she had loads of fun.

9. I see the ‘Happening’ song from ‘Main Aur Mrs. Khanna’. Whatever happened to the extemely beautiful Preity from ‘Salaam Namaste’

10. I can’t read Mr.Mind’s and Choco’s blog anymore.

11. I can’t think of a valid/funny 11th point!

12. Wait! I hate this too ->

It’s from my office restroom and I see it multiple times every single working day of my life and its strategic placement ensures I read it every time I go in for a leak.

So I do hate 12 (or maybe 11) things now, but there is one thing good that’s happened lately. I have been chosen for the ultra-prestigious, uber-cool ‘Superior Scribbler Award’ by Meenakshi. ***huge applause + standing ovation***

So now these are the rules that accompany this award. Talk about great responsibilities accompanying great power!

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.

* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Since I don’t have a huge history of following rules, I’m gonna break the first rule! I have more than 5 favourite bloggers, so every single blogger who reads this can take the award and display it on their blog. But mind you, you should follow the rules. Only I can break them shamelessly ;)

PS: I'm not some weirdo who goes on clicking snaps in the loo, it was a one-off thing!

Namma BMTC (Not-so-loosely translated as ‘Our BMTC’)

Everyone who has been to Bangalore and has travelled in the BMTC buses here, please raise your hands! (The rest of you can scratch your chins :D)

The BMTC bus conductor takes pride in not returning the exact change when you buy the ticket. If you give Rs.30 for a Rs.25 ticket, he’ll get you the ticket, and with a ease that comes only with years of practice, he’ll write “5” behind the ticket. Now this means that any time before you get down, you had better “remind” him that he has to return you the change, that is, if you actually want the change! But if by any chance you forget to remind him about the fiver, don’t expect him to remember and return it to you. Mind you, it’s not because he has any intention of keeping your money, but the simple reason is that he is a very very busy man, who doesn’t have time to remember about the trivial amount. Which, in fact, he could have easily returned to you the moment you bought the ticket as is bag is always overflowing with loose change, but he doesn’t. Because he wants to improve the collective memory of the citizens of Bangalore! (So nice of him na?)

And when you do remind him about the change, and he returns it to you, he’ll tear the ticket or scratch off the “5” just in case you don’t ask him for the change again later! You see, there’s room for only one smart-ass in a BMTC bus!

So, last week, I boarded a bus, found myself a seat, took out the cash and bought a ticket. And I was lucky enough to get a “7” behind my ticket (yeah I like to think of it as some kinda lottery ticket!) I didn’t know how much the ticket would cost and therefore couldn’t provide the exact change and ended up with the 7 on my ticket.

Now 7 is a very odd number. Yeah you would think it’s not even, so it’s odd. But how on earth is it “very odd”, right? It’s very odd because it doesn’t matter much when it’s a 1, 2, 3 or for that matter 4 behind the ticket. Even if I forget to ask it and lose the money, I feel it’s a small amount. It’s actually “change”/“chillar”. But when it touches 5, it kinda becomes not-so-small. Its half-plate panipuri! It’s a Cadbury Munch! It’s not chillar anymore!

So, mindful of the fact that I do have to remind the gentleman in khaki about the Rs.7 he owes me, I sat there listening to 'Hey there Delilah!' on my cell. Around halfway into the journey, the conductor came near me. And me being a Bangalorean with a reasonably good memory, said:

“Boss, saat rupaye dene hai” (“You gotta pay me 7”)

The conductor looked at me as if I had asked him to give me half of his salary! I thought the busy man had, as usual, forgotten about the money and dished out the ticket from my jeans. He gave a scowl and said something in Kannada. I normally can make out the gist of most things I hear, but this was a total bouncer.

I asked: “Kya?” (“What?”)

He: (muttering some more stuff in Kannada under his breath) “Where? Stop?”

I told him the name of the stop.

He: “You don’t ask. I give”

Saying this, he turned and walked back to the front. I was stunned. Now this was a first. They normally mutter stuff and pay. By the time I regained my composure and thought I should say something, he was standing next to the driver.

I shook my head and suddenly realized that everyone around me was looking at me.

Tish-phish-doom-shoom-BOOM!!! And there lay my ego on the floor of the bus all splattered and squashed!

I just did what a man does in situations like this. I switched the song to Nickelback’s 'Rockstar' and started playing Mini Golf on my cell! So, engrossed was I putting the ball in the hole that I didn’t realize that my stop had come. I jumped out just a quarter of a second before the doors of the bus closed and that’s when I remembered that I never got the 7!

I looked into the bus and saw the conductor looking at me from the window. I gave a scowl back and stared at him. The bus started moving slowly and I had to cross the road. He was still staring at me from the glasses at the back of the bus and even I didn’t move my gaze. Time stood still as neither of us looked away. The silent mature battle of the egos of two fully-grown men was on full display to the entire world but not a single soul apart from the two of us knew about it!

“You ain’t gonna win this one dude!” I yelled at him without saying a word.

SCREEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHH!!! A car braked right next to my legs. I had walked right to the middle of the road staring at the conductor.

“You blind *******! Can’t you ******* see and cross the road? Bloody ********”...” that’s the last thing I heard as I ran onto the other side of the road far from BMTC conductors and angry drivers!

Note: I know I haven’t posted in a long while. And writing this one also took some effort with all the rustiness creeping in. A huge thanks to all the people who at some point or the other coaxed me to update. It really feels good to see people wanting to read something I come up with. I have never been prolific with my posts: 20 posts in 18 months isn’t something to boast about. All I can say in my defence are the famous lines by Miss Kido:

“Cowards blog everyday...The brave blog but, once in a while!!!”

My First Time

 

 

"The first time, they say, is always special.

The first time, they say, is always memorable.

The first time, they say, is the best."

My first time was in college. I had stayed in the college hostel for the first sem. N after 5 or so months of terrible food, a terrible timetable n an even more terrible warden, we shifted. “We” is a group of 4: me (has there ever been a “we” without a “me”), Idiot, SG n Langda.

Note: These characters (yup they really were some characters!) have made fleeting appearances in A Police Story and Jhumbalaka Jhum.

So “we” found ourselves an apartment n started a new life without any warden, without any timetable n most importantly without any food. Idiot n Langda claimed they can cook like a dream, guess all they meant was they can cook IN their dreams. So we ended up eating outside all the time!

Now the problem was that we almost always skipped breakfast coz by the time we woke up n pulled ourselves to college, it would be late. N we all being quite “liberal” eaters, this directly affected our academic performance ;)

Then one day Idiot came with the news that a lady in the building provides breakfast to many families there. He suggested that even we should try this breakfast outsourcing thing to which we all readily agreed coz when it comes to matters of food, no one argues with Idiot!

So it was decided! The lady was assigned the honour of getting us the 1^st meal of the day every morning n we could no longer give “lack of breakfast” as an excuse for not performing well in the exams!!!

N thus started our tryst with idlis, dosas, neer dosas n the like. She used 2 get it by 7.30 every morning and we had to tell her how many plates she should get the next day. Plain n simple.

The food was good, we were happy, but for some reason, our grades never improved!

The lady knew only kannada and only SG knew the language of the land. So we were at his mercy 2 talk 2 her every day. One day SG wasn’t there and this lady came n said something, which by our loose translation skills meant: “My kid will bring in the food tomorrow”

Now this lady had 2 children: a teenage daughter and a school-going son. We got into a guessing game about who would bring the food the next day. No points for guessing who the favourite was! :D

So the next morning, the 3 of us woke up early n waited for the breakfast to arrive. The bell rang! I beat the other 2 to open the door. N there was a 10-year old kid standing at the door with our food.

***Collective sigh***

Sadly, I took the food and passed it to Langda, who, even more sadly, took it to the kitchen. The kid hung around to get back his plates n all of us just ignored him. That’s when he asked me THE question: “Mummy asked how many plates should I get tomorrow uncle?”

***Silence***

“Uncle?”

***More silence***

“UNCLE?”

“OK! Four, FOUR, FOURRR!”, I think I might have shouted!

He ran off scared. My friends were still in shock. N not a single soul spoke for 5 whole minutes. N the silence broke after exactly 5mins, when Idiot asked, “Breakfast anyone?”

N that’s the first time someone called me “uncle”.

"The first time, they say, is always special.

The first time, they say, is always memorable.

The first time, they say, is the best."

Wish I could get my hands on the moron who said that!

A Threatening Tag!

Shanu has tagged me n if she had the option, she would have pointed a gun 2 my head n forced me 2 fill this tag atleast 24hrs before! So here it goes...

 

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4 –

Book? ***looks around the room...scratches head...gets up from the comfort of the bed n walks around in search of a book*** YESSS!!! Got it!!!

The book (or rather a training manual) is “OOAD with UML and Rational Rose” and the 4^th line of page 18 is:

“A class may have any number of operations or none at all.”

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can & catch air? –

The wall.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? –

Watched MTV last...n the last song I saw was “Wake Up Sid” (its kinda catchy!)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is? –

01.00 am

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? –

12.50 am

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? –

The fan whirring ;)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? –

Around 10.30 pm...met my friends!

8. Before you started this Q&As, what did you look at? –

This same tag done by iceprincess (n the fact that SHE could do it...spurned me 2 do it ASAP)

PS: she’s been dormant 4 a long time

9. What are you wearing? –

      Dark blue track pants and a blue tee.

10. When did you last laugh? –

      When I was out with my friends (refer the answer to qsn no. 7)

11. What is on the walls of the room you are in? –

Paint :P (I have had this same qsn in an earlier tag and I had given the same ans) :D

12. Seen anything weird lately? –

      Yup! TAGS!!! Almost every blog I visit has had atleast one tag in recent times!

13. What do you think of this quiz?

      Shanu ensured that the only thought that came 2 my mind is FEAR by repeatedly threatening me 2 complete the tag within the deadline!

14. What is the last film you saw? –

      The Proposal (a one-watch movie at best)

15. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy? –

      Shanu...n force her 2 write 4 my blog...lol :D:D:D

16. Tell me something about you that I dunno! –

      My favourite words are “nirvana” n “nostalgia” :)

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? –

      I would ensure that every single person on the planet sends 10% of his/her pay to the Blunt Edges Trust (BET) :D

18. Do you like to Dance? –

      I suck at it but yeah I do like it!

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? –

      Tamanna

20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? –

      Akash

21. Would you ever consider living abroad? –

      I might.

22. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? –

Finally I can retire to the countryside, now that u r here to take over! :D:D:D

N there I’m done! :D

I have never tagged anyone before...but I think I’ll tag 3 people who have tagged me at some point or the other...so perplexed, Lakshmi and Jyoti, consider urself tagged :D:D:D

Updated: I also tag Madhu...whom I have just educated about tags in the comments section :D
may this be the 1st of many more tags 2 come 4 this 1st timer ;)


Updated again: I guess its just a season of pointing guns at me! Reflections has done the same thing n has ordered (yup, u heard it right!) me to tag her ASAP! N me being the innocent little kid can only comply ***innocent look*** 
So, I hereby tag Reflections too. Enjoy the tag woman! :D

News!

Good News (GN): I’m posting!

Bad News (BN): There isn't anything particular that I have 2 say!

GN: I got a project :D

BN: Gotta work there :(

GN: Watched love aaj kal :D:D:D

BN: Didn’t watch kaminey :(:(:(

GN: Went home :D

BN: Had 2 come back :(

GN: Ate a lot when I was there

BN: Which somehow is directly proportional 2 the amount of calories that find a place on the human body (strange isn’t it?)

GN: I’m running out of good news!

BN: Death toll coz of swine flu is increasing on a daily basis

GN: Apparently some drug has been discovered 4 it

BN: Apparently that isn’t confirmed news

GN: As I said before, I’m really running out of good news!!!

BN: My cell konked off...n I was cell-less 4 an entire day!

GN: My cell’s working fine now :D:D


Since I’ve completely run out of news...I’ll post 5 random questions that anyone can choose 2 answer :D


1. What’s the English word for “majboori”?

2. What’s the last name of Madonna?

3. Why do we (Indians) pronounce “Z” as “Zee” when we talk of the bike CBZ, but pronounce it “Zed” otherwise?

4. Which was the 1st cell number ever?

5. Does anyone know what the point of this whole post is?


Update: Thanx 2 Miss Kido n Choco, I have got a few blogging awards of late...u can see those on the right of ur screen :D:D:D

The Change We Need & A Tag We Need!

For the first time on this blog, I’m attempting to write in “proper” English. Now this simply translates to no sms lingo (I know how boring!)

Different people at different stages have commented on my blog about the discomfort they have faced while reading the posts because of the “sms-style” of writing and I am not even making an attempt to talk about the many others who have told that to me in person! ;)

Here are the comments (in the order in which they were posted) that have persuaded me to try this “new” (read uncool) kinda writing :D

1. “and murderer...Rats/mouse/rodents are one thing, thts one mouse (/rat/rodent)i don't have to worry about! but whats the excuse of murdering english language??
same pinch at that one..i used to do exactly the same. it was before i came to know about the 45 rs,450 sms pack (thats is now 45 rs 350 or something, so everyone now resort to 70 rs 700 sms +35 A2A free calls) airtel had to offer.
i hd 2 shrtn al my msgs x unrdbl sntncs SAT(so as to) tel my clsmte 2 brng QM nts,n also bt wot d tchr tot wen i ws sleepin etc..
was really hard to snap outta that habit.infact am still working on it.
other than this tiny minuscule atomic microscopic hardly noticable kunji defect i just loved the blog. blogrolling you, following you(i havent even published your comment yet. couldnt wait to read the blog..:))”

2. “brother,english is bleeding!!!;)”

3. “Ahem! SMS lingo is torture mon ami.
Your english teacher is turning in his/her grave.”

4. “hello murderer”

5. “IthinkIfollowedthejistofthestoryithinktheratwaskilled. Iamoldandallthatshorthandlingowasjustwaytohardformeandwaytomuchwork. Ifeelkindoffoolishbecausefiftysevenotherswereabletoreaditjustfine.R U FLN IR8ED YT? :)))”

6. “murderer!... well, am outta blogsville soon, wish i get to see one post of urs that doesn't spill good old tough english blood before i go!!!”

And people think being a famous blogger is easy (sigh! Ask me ;)). As my good friend what-on-earth-was-his-name said, “With great power, comes great responsibility!” :D

So, for the sake of his beloved readers, blunt edges, who normally treads his own path, puts in an extra effort (this is way tougher than it looks!) and walks on a track that the world follows (I have no clue why I wrote that line in the 3rd person! :D)

This post is dedicated to the blogger who came up with comment number 6. Hope this post gives you reasons to stay back in blogsville :)

Moving on to the actual post (yes, that was just the reason for me changing my writing style). I have been tagged by Lakshmi and Jyoti. This tag has some questions and all of them require me to give 4 answers. So here it goes:

4 places I have lived:
1. Mumbai: This was were I was born (it was called Bombay then) and spent the first half of my life. My first home!
2. Kerala: Home sweet home :D That’s where my folks are and that’s where I eat the most ;)
3. Mangalore: Spent my college days here. And St.Aloysius is the best place on earth!
4. Bangalore: I work here. I live here. I blog here.

4 TV shows I love to watch:
1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S (season 1-3)
2. F.R.I.E.N.D.S (season 3-6)
3. F.R.I.E.N.D.S (season 7-9)
4. F.R.I.E.N.D.S (who can forget season 10)
Yeah I cheated. Sue me :P

4 places I have been on vacation:
I ain’t much of a traveling person. And I usually go to places for a short visit (meaning a day or two). Does that qualify as a vacation?

4 of my favorite food:
1. Sea food!!! ***slurp***
2. Pizza (cheese burst is the current favorite)
3. Gajar ka halwa (and only when my mom makes it)
4. Pav Bhaji :D

4 websites I visit daily:
1. My blog
2. My mail
3. My company HR site (to check if I have enough attendance to leave early :D)
4. Google (for something or the other)

4 places I’d rather be:
1. In a casino in Las Vegas (with loads of cash on me)
2. On a beach in Brazil
3. Home
4. Another casino in Vegas (with loads of cash on me) :D:D

4 novels I wish I was reading for the first time:
Eh? That wasn’t for me, right?

4 movies I can watch over and over again:
1. Dil Chahta Hai
2. Rang de Basanti
3. The Departed
4. The Matrix

4 things I hope to do before I die:
1. Learn to juggle with knives (really!) :D
2. Learn to play the guitar
3. Drive a merc
4. Find the secret to immortality :D

4 people I want to tag:
Not tagging anyone, though you are free to tag yourself if this interests you. Please do tell me if you do it :)

Phew! Talk about hard work! Where’s my pizza???

Mic Testin…1-2…1-2

My entire school life, I had a trustworthy companion who neva left my side…someone on whom I cud always fall back on weneva d world turned against me: ladies n gentlemen plz put ur hands together 4 my childhood frnd: STAGE FRIGHT!!!

I always tried 2 avoid situations whr I had 2 speak in front of a crowd…my class was ok…but anything more meant I just disappeared from d spot! ***poof***

I hv actually run away frm my school durin “Arts Day” so dat I don’t hv 2 get on stage 4 “English Elocution”…speakin fluently in class translated 2 me bein automatically selected 4 these competitions…n all I cud do was run away wen my turn came n return after d event 2 get an earful frm my lecturer (which was way better dan getting on stage)

So dis, my frnds, was d foundation, so dat u guys knw how frightened I was of d menace dat dey call a stage!!!

Scene 1:
Me in d 9th grade…d date’s 26th Jan (note 2 my “international readers”: its republic day in India :D)…I’ m awaitin my turn 2 get on stage

Background:
One person frm every class had 2 give a speech…we had a new lecturer as our class teacher n he din knw abt my history of runnin away frm d warzone…n d ignorant guy selected me! I pleaded wid him dat I aint d right person…I also told him abt my past escapades but none of dat had any effect on him n I cudnt even run away frm dere coz I was d only one representin my class :(

So resignin 2 my fate I prepared a speech…it was a “different” speech in dat I wasn’t talking much abt 26th jan but was concentratin more on wat it meant 2 be a republic nation…a pretty gud speech on paper alright

Back 2 d scene:
Someone frm d 10th grade went 1st n I din hear a word of his speech coz I was dead tensed...my name was called next n I went onto d stage n dis is wat I said:

“gud mrng everyone…today as we celebrate one more republic day, I want 2 ask u all something…wat do u mean by republic? ***blank*** (voice choking) hmmm…wat do u mean wen u say we r a republic country? ***completely blank***
Hmmm…er…(cursin under my breath, I turn n luk at d princi) sorry sir”

Scene 2:
Me in 12th (yup we had schools till 12th)…d date’s 5th sept (note 2 my “international readers”: its teacher’s day in India :D)…I’ m awaitin my turn 2 get on stage

Background:
2 ppl frm each class had 2 give a speech…I was again chosen (dis time by a teacher who wasn’t around durin my 1st debacle) 2 represent d class…again I went thru d entire routine of explainin 2 him why I was d worst choice 4 dis noble deed…but none of it worked…n even d god-damned princi had changed (otherwise atleast he wud hv ensured dat I don’t get on stage!)

So I decided 2 keep it very simple dis time…I wil just talk abt how teachers play a huge role in our lives (wat crap!) n things like those coz dat way I don’t hv 2 memorize anything n so ders almost no chance I’ll screw up

Back 2 d scene:
My classmate finished her speech (she read out her speech!!!)…n my name was called…n den started d magic!

I was coolness personified…wid no external signs of any nervousness, I trodded calmly onto d stage…faced d audience…my modus operandi was straight-frwd…just give a single line on why teacher’s day is celebrated n den move on 2 d nonsense talk abt how teachers rock

N I did just dat…I was a picture of poise as I bluffed n bluffed n bluffed some more abt how imp teachers r 2 society n 4 d creation of a better nation…I started emphatically…continued wid ease…n ended wid a flourish!!!

D applause was deafenin n it seemed d whole world had paused 4 a moment 2 cheer dis hero who had risen frm d ashes of his last debacle n touched heights dat ordinary mortals only dream of!

But wat was dis? Amidst d sound of claps, I cud hear a few sniggers…I luked around n saw some students pointing at me n laughin like crazy…

A confused luk swept my face…dats wen a kid frm d 5th grade took pity on me n decided 2 enlighten me…he held my hand n said, “bro…teacher’s day is celebrated 2 honor d bday of Dr. S. Radhakrishnan n not Dr. Rajendra Prasad!”

I just did wat I did best…I disappeared! ***poof***